by mbas | July 22, 2011 · 7:22 pm
Q&A: How do I tell my wife that I want to stop working?
Question by KI557: How do I tell my wife that I want to stop working?
I’ve really taken most of the responsibility supporting our family since we were married (10yrs). But, now I’d like to stop working and start my doctorate (I have a MSW). My wife just finished her Ivy League MBA but insists on working for nonprofits. We both have good salaries but not enough for one of us to stop unless the other gets a very high paying job. With her MBA, she can earn more than I could but doesn’t like most
for-profit jobs. I’m getting resentful… Can I just say – “honey – a year from now, I’m taking a break, so maybe we should plan for it (ie – find a higher paying job…). She’s about to start a new job search anyway.
Any advice?
Oh – we do have 2 kids in grade school.
So, it’s not just the 2 of us
Best answer:
Answer by leighcheri34
You don’t seem to have any kids – Why not – In the type of relationship you describe both parties should have equal responsibility.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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Tagged as Amp, Answer, doctorate, High Paying Job, Honey, Ivy League, Job, Job Search, MBA, Msw, New Job, Relationship, salaries, Stop, tell, want, wife, working
Talk it out with her. Tell her what you would like to do and let her know that it is only a tempory thing.
get ready for her to throw a dish or two at your head. Sit down and talk about it. write down your pros and cons. I’m sure you will figure it out. even if you have to go back to school part time. give us an update on what is happening. I would love to know. I hope that she is understanding and supports you, as you have supported her.
well i think its fair that you go and do your studies, she got to do what she wanted and she got to work for non profit like she wanted to, i dont see why you cant have time off and do your studies… however she may argue that you are the man in the realtionship and it is expected but all else aside it is fair that you want to do that and she needs to have a paying job, she cant work for free, not everyone likes working, its apart of life
goodluck!
I would start by discussing your goals with her and why you feel you need to return to school. You could start out talking about how you had always dreamed of returning while she was going and realized that you would have to wait your turn. That should be a pretty big hint. I would also talk to her about budgeting so that there is some cushion in savings. I mean if you lay the whole thing in her lap all at once, she may panic. Do it gradually so that she gets used to the idea. Good luck.
Just tell her how you feel…whats the worst that can happen? You should be able to go back if you want to……
Sounds like you have the right idea. I would suggest that you also tell her why you want to start your doctorate. How it would make you feel as a human and what it might do for you as a family in the future.
But also be prepared to face the facts that you have allowed you wife, by not being more vocal in the need for a better income for such an instance as this, to not aide in the growth of your families finances. Be ready for some resentment and possible anger because she is now being “made” to work.
Just an FYI
Good luck.
shut up first person to answer..
hes been working his ass off for ten years and now he wants to go back to school to get a better job and better pay,
if you did get this degree your wife would love it and be so happy..
or at least she should be.
im pretty sure she can handle a job for a year while you finish school,
just tell her that id be in both of your best interest to do this,
she’ll understand..
Have an honest converstation with her about it. Don’t just tell her you’re going to do it. Demanding won’t get you far, especially since a marriage is supposed to be a partnership! She should be supportive and the two of you should be able to discuss it and make a plan. Marriage shouldn’t stop someone’s dreams if they are attainable. If you are willing to wait a year or so then you guys can save up and really make a plan so fiancially the family will be ready. Take care of this before you feel so much resentment that it is too late! Good luck!
Talk to her about it. Have a deep conversation with your wife about your desires. But also understand her desire to work for non-profits. As husband and wife you need to work together to come to an understanding, and hopefully a compromise or something close to.
talk to her. You sound like your pretty serious, and you are very considerate of her feelings to, which is really great.
how about, “Honey, what do you think about me going after my doctorate a year from now?” instead of telling her you are doing it…….
you sound level-headed…..plan now and it will all work out (not sure that going after your doctorate AND talking care of all the household responsibilities will be a break, but go for it)
Just be honest with her
Encourage her to take a better paying job. Get together and make some firm plans. Impress upon her how much it means to you to get that doctorate. The sacrifices that you both make now should pay off big time in the future. You didn’t mention if you have children. This sounds like the perfect time to go back to school, before there are children to compete for your time and attention. Grow a spine and speak up.
Just sit down and talk to her about it over coffee, or in another relaxed setting. If you have your plan worked out, lay it out for her and give her time to absorb it and then work-out the kinks together. If you still have holes in your plan this is the time to fill them in – together.
Good luck, and I envy your ability to even have the option to stop working to pursue higher education.
Sounds like you’ve supported your wife’s dreams for ten years. I’m sure she loves you and wants you to be happy. I think giving her a year to prepare is very generous. On the other hand, working for non profits is probably very rewarding for her. Perhaps you could find a way to survive on her current income so you both could be happy. Take this year to save some money, examine your assets and scale back on some extras if possible. Maybe you could work part time to help out. Do you have children? How do they factor in?
I have a question for the asker.
If she went through all of that schooling to work for a non-for-profit organization and you footed most of the bills…
…then WHY would her supporting YOU while you go to school be somehting that she would even consider saying no to?
If she can’t give you any good reason, perhaps there are some things you overlooked when you got married, and presumably had similar “plans” for your future?
I’d speak up about this.
Why do these women get you to pay their way through college , feed them , clothe them , support them financially and then when their done with college not bloody use it by getting a decent paying job?come off it this is ridiculous what a waste.
Dude if your serious , sit her down state clearly you supported her and you did this and you did that now it’s your turn , you’d like to get your doctorate and so in a years time this is what’s going to happen and if doesnt want to be selfish about it she’ll get off the rear and get a decent paying job and support you.
This is so easy people its not a 1 way street.Takes 2 to keep the pot boiling and not burning so if you want to support your spouse in re-educating themselves or educating themselves to a higher level and now you want to do it now she’s done then do it.Its only fair.
I will NEVER understand Americans.No offense.